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Tips for Taking Care of Yourself When Talking With Trauma Survivors

KNOW that the person you're talking to is telling their story in exactly the way they need to.

KNOW that the person you're talking to is going to be okay. If you can't believe that, pretend you do: invent in your mind a vision of this person back in a house, back in a job, back with their loved ones. It is not your job to problem-solve them into their new future, just hold out the possiblity for that in your mind for them to lean into-and to express exactly where they are right now.

KNOW that this person is expressing themselves perfectly—for them. Even if their level of emotionality is very much stronger than what you're used to, or much lesser than you'd expect. Expressing rage, shock, grief, helplessness, numbness, and other emotions is helpful IF there is a competent witness, that is, someone who will listen to the story and simply. Accept it and honor it by recording it. Remember, you're the container for the story, not the problem-solver. The more intensely you listen, the more the person will respond with a natural calming reaction.

KNOW that listening to survivor stories will trigger all your issues, and one way of avoiding your being traumatized is to listen to yourself competently as well. For instance, if your grief comes up, ask yourself what this reminds you of, note that you may need to talk about that later to someone else, note that whatever comes up for you is rational and valid and needs to be honored with the same compassion that you are offering the survivor.

KNOW all of the therapeutic and social service resources that are available in the area. Come prepared with a list of names and phone numbers of free, accessible local services. At the end of the conversation, ask the person you've spoken to if they would like this list.

—Catherine Cogburn, M.A., L.P.C

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